Are You All In? Things I’ve Gained From Being a Bonus MOM

To be fair, things started out great. My stepdaughter and I got along right away from the moment we met, and the first two years of blended family were pretty awesome. Then life happened. Lets be honest, I could never be the best step mom, because I wasn't the greatest mom to begin with. “Well, I prefer ‘bonus’ over ‘step’ or ‘extra,’ personally. A bonus is something you don’t expect to have, but that you’re really happy you do have! I grew up in a blended family, and I learned at a very young age that blood isn’t necessary for love. Life was never a fairy tale growing up, and I was dead set on reversing that with my own family. So fast forward two years later to a failed marriage, a broken family, and the questions of WTF just happened? Well I have two choices at this point, to feel sorry for myself and never look back, or be grateful for the life lessons and experiences that not only did I get to have but that I can still CHOOSE to have. Being a bonus mom? I never thought I’d learn so much. It’s one of the best things to ever happen to me.I am incredibly grateful for the unexpected opportunity to learn so much about myself (complete with slaps in face to get my attention in the areas where I need to clean up my stuff). I’m getting to be a kinder, more open, and loving person because they have taught me grace.You see, just like raising a teen, raising a stepchild is like going on a journey with no roadmap. I’ve learned many things from being a stepmom. The greatest thing that I have come to recognize is there is no “right way”.

Each of my girls, bring a little something special, makes me think a little harder and love a little deeper. Why they were growing I was growing too as a person. The girls have taught me to be wiser. To be gentler with myself. To be more reluctant to judge others. You’ll always feel like you’re doing it wrong. You’ll question a lot of what you say and do.

Forgive yourself. Let's just get something straight right now. You are going to make a lot of mistakes. Like, a LOT lot. Please don't do what I did and spend years convincing yourself that something is very wrong with you because you seem to screw everything up. Forgive yourself. Over and over and over again. Forgive yourself. And move on.

So What Can you do?

Create your own special experiences/traditions with them. ( In my family I like to celebrate all the holidays we miss throughout the year with them, even when its not, so that we get the memory. )

Go in, all in.–  With an open mind and an open heart. But be prepared to work, to struggle, and to thrive. Don’t Give Up-Being a stepmom aka bonus mom is hard work. I once read that it was like being a “legal stranger,” and I’ve felt like that at times, but I feel like family a thousand times more than I’ve felt like a legal stranger. So be honest. Be vulnerable. Be excited. Be scared. Be transparent. Be supportive. Be discouraged. Be tired. Be fun and be loving. But don’t you ever give up.

Enjoy the Present- I was always so worried about the future that I missed many opportunities to enjoy the present.

Find things we have in common- Show an interest in what they do Even if you have no interest in something yourself, it's easy to appreciate their own excitement.

The greatest lesson of all

Of all the things I have experienced, the greatest lesson I have learned from being a bonus mom is that they are a gift. I wake up every day trying to be a better mom to my three kids. Not my two kids and my stepdaughter, my three kids. I will love my bonus daughter through the good and the bad, through the highs and the lows because I believe that one day when she is grown with babies of her own, she will look back and remember that love. Best part of this whole blog is legally, shes not even my step daughter anymore, but the heart doesn't change.

We are family.

And in the end, that's what matters.

#lifestyle #reinventyourself #thenewyou